Sunday, 18 March 2018

Brass-bollock weather

We've had quite enough, now!
Winter has entered its 18th consecutive fucking month, the Met Office has confirmed.

With sleet, rain and snow forecast for the weekend, meteorologists have admitted that the weather is so cold that it has frozen time itself, with no thaw in sight.

A Met Office spokesman said: “It’s March now, but that’s just what we call the month. It makes no difference to it still being winter.

“The time dilation effect caused by the absolute brass-bollock weather we’re suffering means that winter has gone on forever and will continue to go on forever, until all we can remember is winter.

“Occasionally it will merely piss it down while not being absolutely freezing, and we’ll all be pathetically grateful for two days before it returns to being utterly foul with an Arctic wind.”

Martin Bishop of Cleveland said: “We’re British. Winter is the only season we deserve.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

As we suffer, once again, miserable freezing conditions and can merely watch as all our potted plants shrivel and die, we desperately need something - or someone - to bring us a bit of cheer.

And who better to do it than that stalwart of British entertainment [and very cute when he was young], Mr Kenny Lynch, who celebrates his 80th birthday today?


Many happy returns, Kenny Lynch, OBE (born 18th March 1938)!


  1. It is still snowing here. I have had enough!!!
    Happy Birthday, Ken!

    1. It's stopped (for the moment) here, but the wind is bitterly cold... Jx

    2. Oops - spoke too soon. Jx

  2. Very beautiful, but keep it over there!!! last time it left you, we got it.

    1. It's all coming from the East, so another thing to blame on Putin. It also means it's inevitably going to cross the Atlantic. Sorry. Jx

  3. I'm not sure why someone who is "of Cleveland" is saying they're British, unless there's a Cleveland in Britain.

    (Incidentally, I'm from the Cleveland in Ohio, and I'm pretty sick of winter, though today's nice.)

    1. Darling. America used to be British, Therefore lots of your cities are named after their originals over here: Cleveland is a region around the River Tees just down the road from the town of Washington, Boston is a town in Lincolnshire, Birmingham is Britain's second city, Portland is an isle near Weymouth in Dorset, and so on; you also have several Plymouths, Oxfords, Richmonds, Manchesters, Bristols, Rochesters, Exeters, Norfolks, Cambridges and Londons - not to mention New York (which itself has a Greenwich (Village) and a Brighton (Beach))... Jx

  4. Why would anyone even take a bicycle out of the bloody shed in this weather?

    I know it doesn't help you, but I turned on the radio at 5am and the first news item was a disastrous bush fire on the south coast of NSW.
    And now it's raining, but quite politely, at my place. Having once been stranded somewhere arsewards of Barons Court in a blizzard I can empathise.

    1. "Arsewards of Barons Court". Sounds like one of those wartime romantic dramas, only ruder.

      And no, we can't get ourselves worked up about bush fires when it's freezing and miserable and half of Norfolk is falling into the sea...



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