The writing's on the wall

Why I wish I'd invented Friends Reunited instead
By Mark Zuckerberg
Helping people have pathetic affairs with old school friends would have been a lot less hassle than undermining Western democracy.

It all started out so well. I was just your average super entitled Harvard-educated nerd who created a fun way for people to be narcissistic dicks and reconnect with people they’d last seen when they weren’t overweight and bitter.

I should have stopped there, like Friends Reunited did, at the point of enabling people trapped in boring marriages to ruin their lives thanks to an ill-considered meet up with Gavin who they once snogged in a bus shelter.

But once I’d started wrecking relationships, I wanted to wreck everything. I was crushing the global population’s mental health by turning them into dopamine-driven monkeys addicted to people liking pictures of eggs. I was drunk on power.

‘What else can I fuck up for kicks?’ I pondered. This was the moment I decided to mess with society by harvesting data and manipulating elections in return for money. It was a game. Kind of like Farmville, but not so soul-crushingly shit.

But now everyone hates me because I’ve fucked over the entire world. That didn’t happen to the Friends Reunited guys.

I wish I was them.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Here's an appropriate number:

Stereo MCs - Connected

Somethin' ain't right
Gonna get myself, I'm gonna get myself
Gonna get myself connected
I ain't gonna go blind

For the light which is reflected
I see through you, I see through you
I see through you, I see through you
Ya dirty tricks, ya make me sick
I see through you, I see through you
Gonna do it again, gonna do it again
I'm (gonna do it again, gonna do it again)
Gotta do right (gonna do it again)
'Cause somethin' ain't right (gonna do it again)
Gotta do right, come on

If you make sure you're connected,
The writing's on the wall
But if your mind's neglected,
Stumble you might fall
Stumble you might fall
Stumble you might fall