To have or have Knot

The world's largest field trial on the control of Japanese Knotweed, conducted in Wales, has found that eradicating the plant is "not possible".

Dr Dan Jones, the founder of a consultancy that solves complex invasive plant species problems, said: "Off the back of the first three years of data we've found that eradication is not possible. Hopefully over the longer term we may move towards that by using new chemicals we're looking at.

"But it's not a question of eradication, it's a question of sustained control and management and well informed control and management.

"Claims made by companies, stating that they could eradicate Japanese Knotweed using herbicides in short spaces of time have now been proven to be false, based on our experiments.

"Furthermore, we have shown that applying the wrong herbicides at the wrong time of the year leads to greater herbicide use and environmental impacts."

The trials covered the four main herbicide groups used in weed control. The chemical found to be the most effective was Glyphosate. However, very low doses were applied - the lowest of all the other herbicides used.

Pah! The moment we discovered the presence of the dreaded Japanese Knotweed here, in the extensive gardens of Dolores Delargo Towers #4, we've been applying rather large doses of Glyphosate on it. I'd rather kill the bastard stuff than bugger around the edges like these "scientists" appear to have done in this trial.

We will eradicate it. Have no worries about that.

Either that, or we'll eat it!

Here are some recipes:

• Roast Lamb with Knotweed
• Knotweed Hummus
• Japanese Knotweed Crumble
...or, how about...
• Japanese Knotweed Vodka(!)

Yum.