I can't wait for the musical

Disney has announced that they are delaying a film about a loveable ill pangolin who is saved by his trusty friend, a market-dwelling bat.

Piper’s Poorly Pango was already in production when the studio cancelled the sentimental movie about the unlikely duo’s quest to find a cure for a mystery illness, which takes them across all of Hubei province.

Director Tom Logan said: “It’s gutting to have to pull the plug. Pango the pangolin and Piper the horseshoe bat would have roamed China, interacting with all kinds of other creatures, to find a cure.

“The illness was really a metaphor for fear, so the movie had an important message to children about how if you share your fears by hugging as many people as possible, they’ll go away. Which is apparently ‘irresponsible’ now.

“The climax of the movie, a thrilling chase through Wuhan’s wet market, would have had audiences on the edge of their seats. Such a shame it’ll never be seen.”

Disney’s head of marketing Carolyn Ryan, commented: “Pangolins are incredibly cute. We’ve got warehouses full of cuddly pangolins, pangolin bedsheets, pangolin backpacks.

“Now people are only going to want to buy them to beat them while screaming furiously. Which works for us.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

[The "real" story.]