Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Be warned!



A salutory tale from Dangerous Minds:
He was young and handsome, his mother’s pride and joy - but he died in torment, blind, sick and paralysed - at the age of seventeen. If only he’d known the perils of masturbation, then he might have lived a better life.
This, in a nutshell, was the warning to young French men as published in Le livre sans titre (“The Book With No Title”) in 1830. At that time, masturbation was considered by moralists and physicians as a malady which lead to early death.

In 1716, Dr. Balthazar Bekker published a pamphlet on this “heinous sin” of “self-pollution” entitled Onania, which cautioned the reader self-abuse would lead to:
Disturbances of the stomach and digestion, loss of appetite or ravenous hunger, vomiting, nausea, weakening of the organs of breathing, coughing, hoarseness, paralysis, weakening of the organ of generation to the point of impotence, lack of libido, back pain, disorders of the eye and ear, total diminution of bodily powers, paleness, thinness, pimples on the face, decline of intellectual powers, loss of memory, attacks of rage, madness, idiocy, epilepsy, fever and finally suicide.
Then in A Medicinal Dictionary of 1745, Dr. Robert James stated that onanism was responsible for “the most deplorable and generally incurable disorders.”

Another medical book L’Onanisme by physician Samuel-Auguste Tissot claimed semen was an essential body oil - which when wasted through masturbation caused:
....a perceptible reduction of strength, of memory and even of reason; blurred vision, all the nervous disorders, all types of gout and rheumatism, weakening of the organs of generation, blood in the urine, disturbance of the appetite, headaches and a great number of other disorders.
These men weren’t quacks, either - they were highly eminent and respectable scientists working in the Age of Enlightenment. It is hardly surprising that these seemingly informed and scientific views should become so ubiquitous in the 19th century that they could end up as the cautionary tale of Le livre sans titre.
So stop doing it. Stop it now!

Monday, 5 December 2016

Seasonal Turkey



It's a frozen, grey scene out there this morning, and I really am not looking forward to venturing out into it to crawl to work.

Let's cheer ourselves up a little on this Tacky Music Monday, in the glittering be-quiffed world of the faboo Zeki Müren ("Turkey's answer to Liberace", and my first ever "exhibit" in the Dolores Delargo Towers Museum of Camp six years ago)!

It translates as "Ah, damn these (love) songs". Apparently.


Zeki Müren (6th December 1931 - 24th September 1996)

Have a good week, chaps and chapesses...

Sunday, 4 December 2016

We're all Sugar Plum Fairies now



In complete contrast to Thursday's anarchic cabaret courtesy of Miss Eve Ferret, Hils, Crog and I had a far more conventional evening last night - as we once more gathered in the Baroque surroundings of St John's, Smith Square for an orchestral rendition of Tchaikovsky's seasonal classic ballet score The Nutcracker by the Fulham Symphony Orchestra.

It is a marvellous suite of music in its own right - despite the lack of visual stimulus afforded by the ballet version - and contains a number of familiar vignettes. The FSO played the entire suite, brilliantly. However, their efforts are not to be found out there on the interwebs, so instead here are some extracts played by a variety of other orchestras...





With vocal bits provided by the Chorus of the Fulham Camerata Consort and the PMF Children’s Choir, the superb playing, and the glorious surroundings, this was indeed a rather magical night.

Fulham Symphony Orchestra

St John's, Smith Square

Saturday, 3 December 2016

Welcome to the Diva's tea party again



A host of fellow former "Blitz Kids" (including Pinkietessa) were there, as was Polari regular Simon (without Bryanne), the "Whos" were out in force - former DJ at (our log-gone gay haunt) BarCode, writer and scandalous bon vivant Stewart Who and his sister - and the place was packed with friends, fans, arty types, and the generally bemused...

...it could only be a show by the very lovely Eve Ferret [once described in a review as “A gutsy old bird with knockers like two ostrich eggs in a hammock!”], couldn't it?!

And so it was that Paul, John-John and I ventured to territories new, the Sanctum Soho Hotel (a venue famous for styling itself as "rock star chic") on Thursday - for what Eve billed as her "Fabaret" show "The Hungry Whelk"! As ever, Miss Ferret did not disappoint...

A marked change from her large-scale Arts Theatre shows (we've been to see four - see here, here, here and here), Eve nonetheless managed to cram in all of her more (ahem) interactive turns into this rather more intimate cabaret space - including the throwing of mangetout into the audience and her now-famous "crowd-surf" (by proxy of a doll, of course) - as well as treating us to a customarily bizarre mixture of musical numbers, everything from Little Donkey (well, 'tis the season) to This Town Ain’t Big Enough For Both Of Us to a selection of vulgar reggae numbers to her own pithy Congratulations, You Got Me.

All our faves were there - including the Peignoir Song, Last Night's Paté and Divas' Tea Party - and much, much, more. We adored it. The audience gave her rapturous applause. Once again, Eve Ferret proved herself to be one of the most entertaining cabaret artistes on the circuit - there really is no-one else like her!

Here is the lady herself with one of her more autobiographical numbers - Pimlico Belle


Eve Ferret official website

Friday, 2 December 2016

Passion and love and sex and money, violence, religion, injustice and death



Had his life not been cut so tragically short, the magnificently creative fashionista Gianni Versace would have been 70 years old today.



With the weekend looming, there is really only one dancy choon that is appropriate to play on this milestone day. To get our traditional party started, here's Pet Shop Boys and the song that was famously used as the theme for the BBC's Clothes Show - Paninaro:


Passion and love and sex and money
Violence, religion, injustice and death

Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh

Girls, boys, art, pleasure
Girls, boys, art, pleasure

Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh

Food, cars, travel
Food, cars, travel, travel
New York, New York, New York
New York

Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh

Armani, Armani, ah-ah-Armani
Versace, cinque

Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh
Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh

Armani, Armani, ah-ah-Armani
Versace, cinque

Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh
Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh

I don't like country-and-western
I don't like rock music
I don't like, I don't like rockabilly or rock 'n' roll particularly
Don't like much really, do I?
But what I do like I love passionately

Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh
Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh
Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh

You, you're my lover, you're my hope, you're my dreams
my life, my passion, my love, my sex, my money
violence, religion, injustice and death

Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh
Don't like much really, do I?
Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh
But what I do like I love passionately
Paninaro, Paninaro, oh, oh, oh


I love it passionately.

Thank Disco It's Friday!

Have a great weekend, peeps...

Giovanni Maria Versace (2nd December 1946 – 15th July 1997)

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Eve-ntchually




And so, farewell then, buenos noches "Manuel", aka the lovely Andrew Sachs (7th April 1930 – 23rd November 2016)

Dance while the record spins



Timeslip moment again...

Let's flit back in our trusty DeLorean twenty-five years to 1991; a world where the World Wide Web was merely a newly-born graphic browser, the Tories continued in power in Britain - even after the unceremonious dumping of their greatest-ever leader Maggie Thatcher - with John Major's fractious administration presiding over a recession, Bryan Adams topped the charts for sixteen weeks, the Eastern Bloc had fallen, and the the Gulf War and Yugoslav wars began.

In the news this week, the beginning of December, 1991: the crumbling Soviet Union was dealt a killer blow when Ukraine's populace voted overwhelmingly for independence; the world was still mourning the recent death of Freddie Mercury; a rebellion of sorts was afoot as thousands of UK shops and superstores illegally opened their doors for trading on a Sunday, in an (ultimately successful) effort to change the law; in the ascendant were Alan Bennett (whose play The Madness of George III opened in the West End), the wonderfully-named Boutros-Boutros Ghali (elected as the new Secretary-General of the UN) and Terry Anderson (finally released after six years captivity in Lebanon; the last hostage held by Hezbollah), but one of the world's biggest airlines Pan Am went bust after 64 years. In our cinemas: The Fisher King, Point Break, Other People's Money. On telly: Noel's House Party, Dawn French's Murder Most Horrid and London's Burning.

And in our charts? Michael Jackson and Vic Reeves with the Wonder Stuff were battling it out at the top, at #1 and #2 respectively. Also in attendance were 2 Unlimited, East Side Beat, Michael Bolton, Bassheads, Altern*8, Miss Ross and (new arrivals) Nirvana. But among this mixed bag, one "rave fave" was the hip-shaker I preferred to dance to - here's Bizarre Inc and Playing with Knives:


Groovin'...