Bang-nam style?

Jihadi John’s novelty Christmas single has been shelved after a successful drone strike.

Come On Baby (Join the Global Caliphate) was set to launch on next weekend’s Strictly Come Dancing, with ‘John’ on vocals, Isis leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi on sleigh bells, and three backing dancers forbidden to dance, sing or move.

Manager Bill McKay said: “John’s ambition, apart from killing the prime minister, had always been to go on Top of the Pops and the Christmas one is the only one left.

“We had it all planned out. He was turning on the Christmas lights in Derby next week and then he was supposed to be doing Saturday Kitchen.”

McKay said that working with Jihadi John had been ‘challenging’ as the psychotic terrorist was clearly desperate to be famous while simultaneously rejecting celebrity as a symptom of corrupt western decadence.

He added: “It’s such a shame as the song is quite catchy. We really thought this could be the next 'Gangnam Style'.“

The Daily Mash

Of course.