Everyone thinks they’ve found ‘the one’ until assembling a Billy bookcase leaves you hating each other. Here’s why even fiction’s most infatuated lovers would split up over flatpack furniture.
Harry and Sally
The bickering between Harry and Sally was charming when it was about movies or pie. But that’s low stakes stuff. Make it an attempt to decode an IKEA manual, with him irritably telling her she’s doing it wrong, and it’s When Sally Told Harry To Fuck Off And Got Back With Her Old Boyfriend.
Romeo and Juliet
Melodramatic hotheads are not cut out for assembling flatpack furniture. While many of us feel like committing suicide when bickering over the difference between the tiny and even tinier screws, these two might actually do it.
Lois Lane and Superman
Superman does have the advantage being able to fly away when Lois discovers the cupboard doors have been put on inside out. Or maybe reverse time to before anyone thought the nation would be gagging to assemble a ‘modular storage system’ themselves.
Heathcliff and Cathy
The flatpack pieces wouldn’t even be out of the box before Heathcliff and Cathy were running around on the moors and threatening to die from consumption. And getting a delivery to rural Yorkshire would cost a fortune, Amazon Prime membership or not. In a volatile relationship like theirs, a misplaced Allen key would be the last straw.
Jack and Rose
These two impractical idiots shouldn’t be let near flatpacks when they couldn’t even work out that the door wasn’t big enough for both of them. Their shelves wouldn’t be level and Rose would be constantly bringing it up for the next 84 years. So really it’s lucky for Jack that he froze to death.
Of course.
My test of relationship's strength? Moving a couch out or into a house. Oh, yeah... I once had a boyfriend excuse himself, come back and take a hammer to the thing. The couch... not me.
ReplyDeleteI have never yet had that experience - we rent - but any house move is a stressful enough event, with or without shifting furniture as well. Try moving an entire garden... Jx
DeleteIn Gone With the Wind, Scarlett would be putting off everything for tomorrow, and Rhett wouldn't give a damn. Then again they thrived on their on/off relationship - flatpack furniture would simply add more fuel.
ReplyDeleteSx
Oh, Fiddle-dee-dee! Jx
DeleteI hope I never have to step foot in Ikea ever again.
ReplyDeleteI have been traumatized enough by flat pack furniture, my nerves would never stand it!
Having spent a cumulative twelve hours assembling just two of their wardrobes, I wholeheartedly agree. The place is a nightmare - Pan's Labyrinth would be preferable! Jx
DeleteI managed to assemble god-knows-how-many-balsa-wood-spitfires without too much trouble and I wasn't too shabby with jigsaw puzzles. But the futon bed was a NIGHTMARE. And don't get me started on their bloody picture frames...
ReplyDeleteLife's too short for self-assembly, I've decided... Jx
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