Quarantine Queens

Snap for me, Bea, snap!

An important public service announcement from... Todrick Hall:

Todrick Hall - Mask, Gloves, Soap, Scrubs

"Febreze for me, Febreze!"

Brilliant!

[The original may be found here...]

Recommended daily portions?

Seven weeks into staying in all day with nothing to do but eat, we’re all already fat. But how much fatter will you get? Find out:

How many meals do you eat a day?

A) Three, of course.
B) We’re now up to around seven. It could be more, but the eating is so continuous they blend into each other.

Do you know how much cheese is the recommended daily portion?

A) A surprisingly small piece, around the size of a matchbox.
B) I walk around the house taking bites of a wedge of cheese like it was a slice of toast. So probably a lump about the size of my own head?

Where are you reading this?

A) In the park which I’m running round rapidly while doing quizzes on my phone to keep my mind active as well as my body.
B) Slumped on the stairs because the sofa has Deliveroo boxes on it from last night that I can’t be bothered to move, and because my body now provides its own cushioning.

What’s first dinner?

A) What? Dinner isn’t a numbered meal.
B) First dinner comes before second dinner. Second dinner is what comes before supper. It’s simple. You have to maintain some coherent logic in these challenging times.

ANSWERS

Mostly As: You will emerge from lockdown no more than ten pounds heavier, which you will talk about constantly while your bloated colleagues stare blankly at you.

Mostly Bs: If you emerge from lockdown at all, you will look like Jabba the Hutt. But so will everyone else so it’ll be normal, so keep eating the Hobnobs.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

The star

RIP, Nigel. The true star of Gardener's World.

Gigolo or gigolette?

Taking "Bal masqué" to a new level.

And here we are again - all locked up and nowhere to go. Boris's address to the nation yesterday basically left us as unclear as ever whether retail outlets other than "essential" will re-open any time soon, or pubs, or other entertainment venues. I doubt, given that social isolation rules on staying six feet apart are still in place, that we'll be thronging into a Wetherspoons or any West End theatre at any time soon till they work out how we can be kept at a safe distance from each other. Garden centres, however, have been lifted out of the "non-essential business" category, so we'll see if any of our local ones will pluck up the courage to re-open...

In the meantime, another week of cricking my back working from home on a teensy unergonomic laptop beckons - but while there's a Tacky Music Monday, there's hope. Especially when "The Queen of the Night", our beloved Régine hoves into view in her shocking pink boa!

In this typically bizarre clip, at first the great lady appears to be in a casino with some extras from a soft porn film, draping herself over Serge Gainsbourg. Then he stomps off, smoking, she appears to get escorted off the premises by a load of safety gays, and suddenly she she comes over all "Mama Rose". It's exactly what we need at a time like this...

Régine - Ah C'est Gigolo

Have a good week, dear reader. In familiar surroundings, inevitably.

More Régine here, here, here and (of course) here [and even more if you click her name in the "small print" at the foot of this post].

When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely

Geranium "Johnson's Blue" is bursting with colour in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers, despite everything.

Weird weather. April was unseasonably hot and sunny, now May is behaving more like April should have - we basked in sunshine and 25C/77F temperatures yesterday; tomorrow it's forecast to be 12C/53F, with a drop to 4C/39F overnight! WTF?

Regardless of the sudden chill winds, the garden is throwing flowers out right, left and centre - the alliums, geraniums, iris, thalictrum, aquilegia, jasmine and fuchsias are all covered in buds and blooms. Even if we can't sit out there at the moment, it's a joy to look at through our kitchen window...

...meanwhile, it's clear that whatever Boris announces later today, we're still going to be in lockdown for a while yet. To tie thoughts of weather and self-isolation neatly together, here's another (corny) message from Postmodern Jukebox!

Postmodern Jukebox feat Shoshana Bean - Tomorrow ("Motown-style" cover)

The dog is the star.

How evolution works...

...without the pioneering campery and extravagant styling pioneered by Little Richard, where would either Mr Rick James or Mr Prince Rogers Nelson have been?

Little Richard - Lucille

RIP, "the King and Queen of Rock'n'Roll", Little Richard (born Richard Wayne Penniman, 5th December 1932 – 9th May 2020)

There’ll be socially-distanced bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover

Socially-distanced wreath-laying, a two-minute silence, a re-broadcast of Winston Churchill's speech and an address from the Queen are among the national events taking place on this, the 75th anniversary of VE Day [the British Empire's victory over the beastly Hun]. We might well dress up as Anne Shelton.



Anniversaries - a forte of this here blog, as any fule kno - are remarkable things. Whoever would have dreamed that there might have been a possibility that centenarian Tom of Finland could blow out birthday candles on the same day as Sir David Attenborough [they were only born six years apart on this date, after all]? Or that these two maestros of such very different - ahem - specialisms might also share their big moment with the likes of Sid James, President Harry S. Truman, Enrique Iglesias, Melissa Gilbert, Marcus Brigstocke, Lex Barker, Darren Hayes of Savage Garden, Toni Tennille, former Chancellor of the Exchequer Norman Lamont, Roberto Rossellini, Gary Glitter, eminent historian Edward Gibbon, Dame Felicity Lott, Philip Bailey of Earth Wind & Fire, Roddy Doyle, Ricky Nelson, Phyllida Law, and - erm - Dave Rowntree, drummer with Blur...



...so why not, on this most British of celebrations, have a little number from that most British of bands?

Blur - Girls & Boys

Hold on! I'm not finished yet...

Girls & Boys is indeed a bit of a party choon. Heaven forfend, however, that we should forget that some traditions are always adhered to at the close of any week here at Dolores Delargo Towers.

So, to complete the circle of "Britishness", let's let the "UK's answer to Donna Summer" Miss Tina Charles lead the way to our own socially-distanced virtual street Zoom party this evening - and Thank Disco It's VE Day Friday!

Tina Charles - Dance Little Lady Dance

Have a good weekend, dear reader - and don't let your "Victory Rolls" get too messed up!