Photo: Polari Magazine
"Simon Cowell asked me to trim his beard. I didn't mind, though, she was lovely."
John-John and I went along to the home of off-beat cabaret The Royal Vauxhall Tavern last night, to see the fantabulosa "Dexter Clark: Celebrity Hairdresser" in his new
In the deep, dark recesses of social networking history, the now-even-sadder world of MySpace was awash with talent - poets, artists, blog diarists, fan-worshippers and comedians. Among the most talented of those, who became my "friend" (on and off line) was Dexter Clark. His salacious regular musings on the lives of the Z-list, from the perspective of a Mayfair hair-salon chair, were irresistible and I (and many others) looked forward to every instalment.
Roger Lloyd-Thompson's alter-ego Dexter has turned his indubitable talents to the stage of late - we went to see his debut appearance in Islington back in 2009 - and once again the likes of Katie Price ("Thick Up Top"), Naomi Campbell ("Dangerous Weave"), Kate Moss ("Chemical Streak"), Madonna ("Peroxide Raptor"), Tom Cruise ("Straight Back and Sides") and Kerry Katona ("Council House Bangs") got the adulation and admiration they so richly deserve...
"For us celebrities it’s all about Charity. I relax by caring. All my important friends are involved in some way in the caring business, mostly to do with animals; for Lulu ("Rusty Wire") it’s her collection of rabbits, Dale Winton ("Supermarket Sweep") enjoys dogging, and the lovely Anna Wintour ("Icy Bob") has recently bought an endangered animal sanctuary and is working very closely with all the animals – mostly floor length coats, but I know she’s planning some fur lined bikinis."He introduced us to the sponsors for his "lecture tour", including Arms for Iraq - "It's a children's charity", apparently specialising in prosthetics for war-torn countries - and God Hates Fags ("I haven't smoked for 48 hours thanks to them!"), to his lustre-glazed mystic talisman ("It's a cockatoo - I love a cock-a-too"), and let us into some of the secrets of his success, many of which will appear in his autobiography Tinted Love – Melton Mowbray to Mayfair ("I can't wait to read it!", he says).
And the "Dexter Empire" doesn't end there:
"I’m busy putting the finishing touches to my new fragrance. I’m so excited, you’re no-one these days without your own fragrance. All the celebs have them. Jeremy Clarkson – "Eau de Phobe". Lindsey Lohan – "Septum". Even Jodie Marsh has one – "Visage de Merde". Mine’s called "Flounce! For Men". It’s a subtle blend of melon, vanilla and Formica with an undertone of Paracetamol."He was excellent!
Sadly, none of Dexter's marvellous video diaries are online any more - his YouTube profile has been deleted. However, here is just a mere snippet of the man's genius, courtesy of Homotopia:
We loved it - despite the minuscule audience at the RVT - and Roger/Dexter gave it his all!
Dexter Clark's Fabulous Head is on again tomorrow night (Wednesday 15th August) at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern.
Read a review of the show (at Leicester Square Theatre recently) by our friend, author Clayton Littlewood.
Dexter invites us into his lovely home, courtesy of Polari Magazine
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