Oh! Thank fuck for that; it's all over. Of course, the "Festering Season" will still plague us for a while yet, with "jolly" music and bloody-tinsel-clad-everything well beyond its shelf-life, all through the (inevitable) sales and beyond - until, that is, the shelves are cleared for Valentines/Easter/whatever come the middle of January...
Time, methinks, for a little trip into Monsieur Hulot's subtly satirical world, with this slice of 60s fabulousness - and to lose ourselves in another easy listening interlude, courtesy of the faboo Soft Tempo Lounge:
Music: Fabio Fabor - Douce Ensemble
Ah, that's better.
Christmas is full of wonderful opportunities to be sickeningly middle class, but what sort of bourgeois poncery is right for you? Read our guide for inspiration.The Daily Mash
Foodie Christmas
A Christmas totally dominated by agonisingly trivial conversations about prosciutto and storing aubergines in oil that make normal people want to ram Nigel Slater’s baked marrow up your arse.
Guardian Christmas
Christmas with a strong focus on fun things like ethical consumerism and hand-wringing liberal guilt. Presents should be things like oven gloves made by homeless people showing ‘Mrs Santa’ delivering the gifts in a two-fingered salute to Santa’s oppressive, patriarchal present-delivering monopoly.
Upper-middle class Christmas
Incredibly expensive Richard Curtis film-style Christmas for people who do not realise paying £600 for a tree is insane. Crackers will contain a silver hip flask or Fitbit rather than a cellophane fish that purports to reveal your personality. May also involve skiing in Switzerland and “Portia and Hugo bringing their cellos over”.
Educational Christmas
Favoured by ambitious parents, an educational Christmas requires it to be turned into a dreary learning experience about random facts like the natural habitat and diet of reindeer and however Anglo-Saxons celebrated it in their huts. Ideally should involve school-style ‘activity sheets’ and a test on Christmas day for extra fun.
Eco bullshit Christmas
No ‘factory farmed’ turkey here, but instead you will enjoy a wild organic goose that was killed non-invasively by being chased around a meadow until it collapsed. May also involve the dreaded ‘nut roast’ and scraping leftovers into the compost heap while chanting a Pagan hymn of thanks to Mother Earth.
Simply throwing all Christmas cards into the bin unopened could save you up to four hours this Christmas, it has been claimed.The Daily Mash
Time-saving expert Martin Bishop believes a million hours of festive fun could be gained nationally by putting cards straight in the recycling after squeezing them for possible money.
He said: “I hate to say ‘one weird trick’ but you take those cards and stick them in the shredder, like Santa does with the kids’ lists, and you’ll feel a real weight off your shoulders.
“Think of the time you’ll save buggering about opening them and putting them on a shelf.”
Bishop added: “You really don’t need to read Christmas cards, unless you especially like generic poems about robins and bells with a token greeting scribbled underneath. The ones hand-made by children or pensioners are especially poor.
“Although interestingly I did once get a card from my nan that had a racist drawing in it.”
A novel of awakening and atonement, this exquisitely realised story revisits a seminal boyhood moment as it plays out - with unexpected and sinister consequences - against the backdrop of political upheaval in South Africa. For one long, intense week in October 1962, the Cuban Missile Crisis brought with it an East-West stand-off and the possibility of nuclear holocaust. On the other side of the globe, in Pretoria, a group of schoolboys scan the horizon for signs that the world is about to end. There is political tension here too, and the power struggles and cruelties of the boys mirror the corruption of a deeply divided country. Paul Harvey - sensitive, isolated, and desperate to fit in at school despite his English heritage - will do whatever is needed to please the class ringleader, Andre du Toit. Now in his sixties and living abroad, Paul is drawn back to South Africa to confront the unexpected and chilling consequences of this seminal boyhood moment - and the part he unwittingly played in the drama that unfolded.At times teasingly erotic (just what was he prepared to do for Andre in the dorm in order to be accepted into the "gang"?) and funny (the older Paul encountering an "English countryside"-themed hotel in the midst of the lawless "badlands" outside Johannesburg), this has the promise of being a very good read, indeed.
I don’t suspect that many who watch this movie are really in it for the story. It’s the pure 70s camp features that make this film a giggle-inducing source of wonder for the B-movie enthusiast. There’s staples from the decade, such as outrageously wide shirt collars, unconvincing martial arts manoeuvres, oversize computing equipment, funky disco music (I need the soundtrack, desperately) and such. Other aspects of the movie likely to delight people who enjoy this kind of cinematic orgy include car and foot chases, cock-fights, psychedelic coloured lights, and laughably grave conversational tones spoken by outlandish characters involved in ludicrous doings.Wonder Women sounds right up our street! Judge for yourself:
A bill has been passed in Parliament to legalise same-sex marriage in Australia.I bet!
There were jubilant scenes in the public galleries and chamber where crowds and politicians rose to their feet, clapped and cheered. Many sang ‘I am, you are, we are Australian’ and waved rainbow flags.
