Toys'r'Us?

Working-class man thinks Nutribullet is sex toy

A working-class man dating a middle-class woman has admitted being shocked and aroused by how openly she discusses her Nutribullet use.

Plasterer Wayne Hayes matched with solicitor Jo Kramer on Hinge and believes the relationship is going well, but was not ready to be told that she cannot live without the device and uses it up to three times a day.

He said: “It’s never the ones you expect, is it? She even mentioned using it with root vegetables and bananas, the dirty bitch.

“We were discussing diet when she veered off into an erotic digression I’m frankly still wanking to, all about its ergonomic shape and how it discreetly vibrates away until it’s done. She even sticks her finger in and licks it. I was so hard it was lifting the table.

“But I wasn’t sure when she offered me a go. I’m a modern man but not that bloody modern. I said, what if word got out to the lads that I was into that kind of thing? It could ruin me.

“Still when I go over to hers, she’s going to show me how it works right there in the kitchen. Fucking hell.”

Kramer said: “I’ve invited Wayne back to mine to check out the Nutribullet. He seems to live on pies. He won’t make it to 40.”

Hahahahaha!

The Daily Mash

Of course.