How to write a triumphant column about Trump that will make you look a dickhead in four years or less
Are you a journalist? Right-of-centre? Looking to write a gloating column about President Trump that will age very, very badly? Follow these tips:
Skip over the inconvenient
Whether it’s the attempt to overturn an election or his bromance with Putin, move smoothly past the awkward fact that he proudly stands for multiple policies you’re theoretically dead against. Stress instead his mandate, his restoration of traditional values, how lovely his wife looks in her gangster hat, and let cancelling elections come as a lovely surprise.Dismiss valid concerns
The promise to retake the Panama Canal by force? No more than the aggressive opening of a negotiation by a renowned deal-maker. Trump’s no more going to send troops in an act of war against a peaceful neighbour than he would pack the judiciary with pals and arrest political opponents on false charges. Stay sure of that until it happens.Praise his restraint
Trump loves praise, so lavish it. Tell him how wonderful he is for not imposing martial law, how statesmanlike for not appointing his sons to key cabinet posts, that by not ordering his face to be added to Mount Rushmore on the first day he is acting in the tradition of Jefferson and Lincoln. Then watch him do all those things because you gave him the idea.Revel in the defeat of the wokerati
Never mind what Trump will do, what about your enemies? The columnists for rival newspapers who disagree with you? The twats who insist on having different opinions to you on social media? This is a time to mock, to belittle, to taunt them for their ridiculous claims of incipient fascism. You definitely won’t regret those words.Stake your reputation
Dizzy with success, make predictions. Elon Musk’s random firing of half the government will have uniformly positive consequences. Appointing a vaccine-skeptic will be a massive boost to America’s health. Making it clear the rule of law doesn’t apply to thugs on our side will work out brilliant. Then sit back and wait to reap the wonderfulness you have sown.
Of course.
I didn't watch needless to say but saw pictures of Melanie. Im still wondering what was with that God awful style- less ensemble and hat????
ReplyDeleteI think she might have been giving a covert reference to The Exorcist film poster.
DeleteAppropriate, in the circumstances. Jx
I think she was dressed for a dressage event and got her dates muddled?
DeleteSx
She's surrounded by horses' arses, so maybe? Jx
DeleteI'm living the sh*t show all over again. I thought we did our time the last four years he was in. I keep waiting for the aliens to come and take him away, but they don't want him either.
ReplyDeleteWe Brits are singing (In the words of Band Aid): "Well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you!" Jx
DeleteMelania has no class nor sense of style :(
ReplyDeleteAt her own spouses inaugural and she dresses for a funeral, perhaps she knows something we don’t.
Someone needs to tell the Trumps you cannot buy class, you can only be bred with class.
-CA jock
She's Slovenian. Enough said.
DeleteShe couldn't move her face thanks to all that Botox, but even she was shown up in the "plastic-faced Bridezilla" stakes by that deformed creature engaged to Jeff Bezos. Just shows what crap you can get on Amazon. Jx
Melania dressed in black because she supports the death of American democracy, she is that sick. Strange how East Europeans have a thing, an attraction for authoritarian leaders, after all the shit their own countries have gone through.:(
ReplyDelete-Rj
I once had pride, now that's all behind
DeleteI want to get rich quick
I want success and all that goes with it
And I'm gonna use my sex
Money talks, money talks
Dirty cash, I want you
Dirty cash, I need you, oh!
- Adventures of Stevie V, 1989
Jx
When it has to be said the 'Mash' will say it !
ReplyDeleteYou can smell the vitriol in every word and punctuation.
The British press should be ashamed at the way some of them have brown-nosed that fat bully - the Mash just said it as it is... Jx
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