The US is hunting down the thoughtless prick who provided Donald Trump with a map of the world and caused all this trouble.
The incoming president has never previously suffered from territorial ambition but is now attempting to annex Canada, buy Greenland and wants the Panama Canal as an inaugural gift, prompting advisers to seek out where he even heard about them from.
A Mar-a-Lago insider said: “He’s clearly got one. How else would he know the names of all these places? He didn’t before.
“It’s somewhere in his suite, covered in ketchup fingerprints, with Gulf of Mexico scribbled out and ‘Gulf of AMERICA!’ written in, but we can’t find it and he’s getting worse. Yesterday he asked if I knew we had to go through Canada to get to Alaska, and if I thought that was ‘fair’.
“Last time he’d happily get on Air Force One, meet a leader, have a banquet, fly home and not even know where he’d been. Now he’s getting all geopolitical.
“It’s definitely a map, not a globe, which is why he thinks Greenland is as large as the continental United States. I pity the poor bastard who has to explain the Mercator Projection to him.”
He added: “If he finds out it wraps around and we’re only a strait away from Russia? Oh boy.”
Of course.
[What?! I hear you say - two Daily Mash posts in one week? Yes. This one was too good not to share...]
I'd laugh if I weren't crying. He praised Jimmy Carter but then had to say immediately that Carter shouldn't have given control of the Panama Canal to Panamanians. He's also pissed off because flags will be flying at half-staff during his inauguration, the selfish bastard. I'm surprised he knows anything about what Jimmy Carter did.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Amazed they let him anywhere near the podium lest he be struck dead by a falling barrel of peanuts. Jimmy Carter deserved better than to have that fat orange git eulogise him.
DeleteThe Daily Mash nails it. Again. Jx