Manly-flavoured lollies, anyone?

Ice lolly manufacturers have responded to demand for a product that in no way resembles a cock.

A new lolly, the Ice Block Max, has been developed to meet the needs of male heterosexuals who want to enjoy a lolly without feeling they are basically eating a penis.

The new product is a grey cube on a stick resembling a building material, which tastes of bloody steak for a ‘more manly flavour’ and features a picture of Jason Statham on the wrapper.

A spokesman for manufacturers Walls said: “This lolly is so red-bloodedly male it can practically do 200 pull-ups while grunting ‘Hurr!’

“The unique, perfectly cuboid shape means that it doesn’t have a shaft. Research shows that anything taller than it is wide basically looks like an erection when being sucked.

“Of course we will continue to make the classic phallic lollies – Twister, Calippo, Mini Milk – but sales are likely to fall now men don’t need to look as if they’re well-practised at sucking cock.

“Usually when manufacturers try to make a hyper-masculine product it somehow ends up seeming super-gay. That’s why we’re thrilled to have Jason Statham promoting it.

“He’s straightness personified, especially the way he wrestles that other guy in 'The Transporter' in a big pool of oil, with his shirt off.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.