Oh, the horror...

We're hardly halfway through November and already the dreaded Festering Season has taken over - the shops are a slew of cheap crap tinsel and unfunny cards (although I have so far yet to hear a piped version of Cliff Richard or Slade through a PA system, thankfully), the heteroids are starting to look grimmer than usual as they try and steer their screaming progeny away from the latest wildly expensive "must-have" gadgets and toys filling the shelves, and the musical bandwagon has already started in earnest, as faded former stars start to team up for their tearful Xmas collections, including these...



Rod Stewart has released his first-ever seasonal album Merry Christmas, Baby, featuring a series of duets including Michael Buble on Winter Wonderland.



The formerly cool Cee-Lo Green, not content with also appearing on Mr Stewart's Xmas album, has decided to inflict one of his own on us called CeeLo’s Magic Moment which features duets with The Muppets and Christina Aguilera. I don't know how you'd be able to tell them apart. Possibly by smell.



Just when you thought it was safe, Donny Osmond and Susan Boyle are to release their saccharine duet This Is The Moment from her new album Standing Ovation. My ears are beginning to bleed, but there's more...



As succinctly reviewed by Mike at Pop Trash Addicts, Spice Girls Emma Bunton and Melanie C "have joined forces to record an insanely tragic cover of I Know Him So Well...you need a big voice to pull it off and these sad bitches can barely hold a note between them."



And as if the tragi-comedy couldn't get any more horrifying, none other than "not gay at all" John Travolta and his unfeasibly odd hair have teamed up with the heavily Polyfilla-ed Olivia Newton John for an album of "classics" This Christmas. I've just puked in the mince pies...

Suffice to say I won't be buying any of them.

Roll on January.

Bah Humbug.