Seaman Staines

The BBC is to launch a £10m probe into claims of sexually suggestive language in its 1970s cartoons.

The inquiry will focus on previously false allegations that popular children’s programme Captain Pugwash included references to masturbation, under-age sex and seminal fluid.

A spokesman said: “We’ve decided that a ‘Pugwash’ means being urinated on simultaneously by four Radio One DJs.”

The Pugwash inquiry forms part of larger £400m BBC investigation into every single thing that was said, done or thought about in Britain between 1970 and 1985.

Meanwhile, a separate £30m probe will attempt to find out how its radio headquarters in central London came to be named ‘Bush House’.

The spokesman added: “We would prefer if you didn’t call it a ‘probe’. We think that’s inappropriate.”

The corporation stressed the Pugwash probe will not involve actually watching Captain Pugwash, but will instead examine the culture that led to rumours about the names of some of the characters in it.

The investigation will also look at other 1970s animation after claims that ‘Mary, Mungo and Midge’ was secretly used as a verb.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

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On a separate, but not entirely unrelated subject - today marks the centenary of one of Britain's most beloved animators of the short-cartoons-to-end-children's-telly-before-the-news, Mr Bob Godfrey [see my tribute to him on his death in 2013].

So here, for your delectation are three of his finest creations. No accusations of "masturbation, under-age sex and seminal fluid" here, methinks.

Roobarb and Custard

Noah and Nelly

Henry's Cat

Ah, memories...