Wednesday 20 July 2022

Eating olives instead of pork scratchings

Yesterday's high temperatures caused a man from West Yorkshire to morph into a hot-blooded Continental.

Tom Logan from Leeds was ordering a cheeky pint on his lunch break when he had an uncontrollable urge to ask for an Aperol spritz instead.

Logan explained: ‘Before I knew it I was eating olives instead of my usual pork scratchings and undoing my shirt buttons low enough to reveal my chest hair.

“I couldn’t stop shouting effusive greetings at people I knew, when a surly ‘Eh up’ normally suffices. I never even went back to the office; I just took the rest of the afternoon off. No particular reason, just ‘because’. And it felt like that was okay.

“My colleagues eventually found me sunning myself on a bench in Park Square, or Parco Piazza as I insisted on calling it, wearing polished leather shoes with no socks and flailing my arms around as I spoke.

“They suggested we kick a ball around to try and snap me out of it, but when I began flinging myself to the ground dramatically pretending to be injured, they understood I really was Italian.

“I haven’t quite reached the stage where I’m shouting, ‘Bella! Bellissima!’ at passing women, but I fear I’m not far off, and I doubt the women of Leeds will stand for that crap. Yeah, I’m pretty sure this ends with me getting punched.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

10 comments:

  1. I went continental today in York, so good they named it once! We dined at Wildwood Italian restaurant, I ordered primavera pizza and grinded rock salt all over it, thinking it was black pepper and spoilt what would have been a very nice dinner erm pranzo.

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    1. Just as well you didn't reach for the Sarsons thinking it was olive oil, really. Jx

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  2. Yes, I laughed. And shed a tear for for the loss of Summer Wine and the like. By the way, did you know where her mole was? tee-hee

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    1. The last time I watched LOTSW was probably back in the 1980s, so I don't get the reference. Surprisingly, however, our mutual friend and blogger Mistress Maddie in Pennsylvania is a huge fan of the show! Jx

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    2. Compo said some girl "showed me where she 'ad a mole" Turned out it was a burrowing animal on her dad's front lawn.

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    3. An anecdote no doubt delivered while rolling down a steep street in a bathtub on wheels or similar - that's what I remember happening quite a lot in that show! Jx

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  3. Sounds like he's one round away from donning a pair of cha cha heels and a feather boa. Well, life should be all about experimenting... don't you think? I mean, why limit ourselves. Take a sip from every cup... especially those that are overflowing. Kizzes.

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    1. Cha cha heels, a feather boa, a cloth cap and a whippet - quite the combination! Jx

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  4. By th'eck, lad! I think ya mebbe onta summat...

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