72 percent farts

Air on public transport 72 per cent flatulence.
The air circulating in buses, trains and trams is nearly three-quarters anal emissions, a new study has revealed.

News of the density of arse fumes has come as a shock to the scientific community, despite decades of public transport users noticing the presence of noxious gasses when they inhale.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “72 per cent? Jesus. I expected the odd squeaky leakage here and there but this is nearly as vile as our coastal waters. Have you all been eating beans before setting off?

“I recommend decreasing the flatulence to oxygen ratio by cracking a window. That won’t help the poor sods trapped in Tube carriages from breathing in a lungful of intestinal vapours, but it’s a start.

“Luckily there’s no risk of suffocating on sphincter wind, it’s just revolting. Are you even trying to hold it in? You’re not animals, for Christ’s sake, so clench and wait until you get off.”

Commuter Martin Bishop said: “It’s sickening to think about everyone’s bum particles swirling in the air. I didn’t wear a face mask for Covid, but I’ll pop one on to stay safe from farts.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

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