Gore, tits, dragons and a shite ending

There's far too much telly and everyone’s always trying to talk to you about it. These 17 shows you’ll never get round to can be summed up as follows:

The Sopranos – Fat mob boss wears dressing gown, has mates with great names, ending was either genius or bollocks.

Succession – Excellent theme song followed by twats being twats to other twats, all of them rich, based on the Murdoch family about whom you don’t care.

Breaking Bad – Cancer-ridden teacher sells blue crystal meth with a lad clearly too old to be a teenager, following the rule of thumb that the balder Walt gets the more evil he is.

Mad Men – Advertising executive drama that’s cool as shit because everyone smokes and drinks like Wigan Working Men’s Club in the office during the day.

Lost – Cost a fortune to crash land a beautiful cast on an island that turns out to be up someone’s arse, for all the sense it ultimately made.

Game of Thrones – Fantasy epic with a cast so large you’re only just working out who someone is when they get killed, with gore, tits, dragons and a shite ending.

The X Files – 90s as fuck and not to be watched before bed, unless you want sex dreams about Scully that become nightmares about dated prosthetics.

The Handmaid’s Tale – A dystopian One Born Every Minute with more cloaks, hoods and public hangings.

Chernobyl – Spoiler alert, it doesn’t end well, and Trevor from Eastenders gets his knob out.

The West Wing – White House drama with busy people walking and talking through plotlines far less wildly imaginative than the Trump presidency.

The Wire – Baltimore crime epic with so much street drug slang that even now your mother refers to "five-oh", "the re-up", and "burner phones".

Our Friends In The North – Five Geordies live through a dizzying array of major political issues over three decades, ending with car-twocking.

Peaky Blinders – Mumbling men in flat caps like it’s last orders in a rural pub, except they’re all gorgeous murderers.

The Walking Dead – Post-apocalypse soap that, like its titular zombies, staggers on forever but is easily avoided.

Line of Duty – British cops pretend to be as thrillingly corrupt as American cops in long interrogation scenes where the best bit is changing the slides on a PowerPoint.

Deadwood – Western with mud, swearing, and Lovejoy being a right bastard but precisely no cowboys duel at high noon so fuck that.

The Crown – You’ve seen this one in real life and it’s no more interesting.

The Daily Mash

Of course.