Carnivores have demanded special fake vegetables made out of meat after seeing the variety of plant-based sausages, bacon and beef available.The Daily Mash
The production of vegan burgers that bleed, vegan bacon that can be fried and tofu chicken that tastes of nothing at all just like the real thing has prompted non-vegans to request a quid pro quo.
Meat-eater Norman Steele said:
“I can’t eat vegetables for the moral reason that I don’t like how they taste.
“But what people don’t realise is that’s endangering my health and making me look bad in front of attractive young waitresses in the Harvester, so it’s my turn for the fake shit.
“I want an aubergine that’s really a chorizo, a bunch of ham carrots, lamb peas and lettuce leaves made of wafer-thin turkey. For starters.
“And make them proper. I don’t want any of that Heston Blumenthal crap. If it can’t fool my GP, they need to go back and start again.”
Food scientist Dr Helen Archer said: “There would be no benefit whatsoever to doing this. But it’ll sell, so fine.”
Of course.
Lady Gaga would probably be able to do something with the meaty cabbage.
ReplyDeleteSx
That cultural leech ripped-off the idea from the cover of an Undertones album from 1983. Jx
DeleteOh! I had to go back and look again - I thought it was a rose!
ReplyDeleteIt might well be - though it does beg the question: "Why?" Jx
DeleteSpot on
ReplyDeleteIndeed - it's just showing-off, in my opinion. If you are supposed to be vegetarian, why would you want something that looks, smells and tastes like bacon or beefburger? Jx
DeleteI remember when the first "synthetic" meat was wheeled out. ICI? Or was it Courtoulds? Whatever...I was one of the guinea pigs. It was like eating cardboard.
ReplyDeleteBeats me why a vegetarian would want a tube of some minced lentils to even look like a sausage, never mind call it a sausage. Flatten it and call it a lentil patty, for pete's sake! Bloody advertising gone mad!
I blame Linda McCartney. Jx
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