Faux-authentic

Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has struck another blow against low-quality cuisine by barricading the doors of his own restaurants.

Oliver has used chairs and tables to block the entrances of branches of Jamie’s Italian around the country, saving hundreds of diners from indifferent meals only bought because of their association with a man off the telly.

Oliver said: “I’ve tried asking nicely. Now it’s time for direct action.

“Anyone attempting to eat at one of these faux-authentic establishments – Italian? I’m from bloody Essex, mate – will be greeted with a barrage of stem-ripened cherry tomatoes and told to go and find a restaurant run by actual Italians, not some celebrity cash-in.

“It’s time to prove I’m serious about improving the nation’s cuisine. As of today, finding a decent meal in overpriced urban centres got a little bit easier.”

Oliver has vowed to continue his fight by closing his Islington restaurant Fifteen, admitting that Fanta tastes nice and retraining as a driving instructor.

The Daily Mash

Of course.