No ballroom

Unless you happen to be Cristiano Ronaldo, baggy clothing is probably best.

A 32-year-old man has spent the last three hours trapped inside a pair of super-skinny jeans in a changing room.

Tom Booker tried the jeans on in an attempt to look cool for a date with a younger woman but has now lost all feeling in his left leg and fears his buttocks have become welded together.

He said: “I’ve tried everything. Wiggling, rolling, lying on the floor and inching them down, but nothing works. They won’t budge.

“How do the young get out of them? With a couple of fish slices and assistance from friends? My legs look great but it turns out I’ve got a rather larger arse than I ever realised.

“I tried banging on the cubicle walls to get help from other customers but they told me to piss off, and obviously the assistant out front of the changing rooms is uninterested and ignoring me completely. This is Top Shop, after all.

“I can’t walk out without amputating a knacker and I’m not calling a fire crew to cut me out. These jeans cost £35.99.

“I can’t feel anything below the nipples now. I should never have strayed from my Burton’s bootcuts. I love you, bootcuts. It shouldn’t have ended like this. I’m sorry.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.