Ever think you would end up rubbing every item of shopping you buy with antibacterial spray? No? What other bizarre habits are now normal?The Daily Mash
Washing the shopping
Washing boxes of fish fingers used to be the kind of behaviour that Channel 5 enjoyed making lurid documentaries about. But now we’re all obsessive-compulsive clean freaks who think nothing of rinsing a packet of crumpets under the tap.
Wearing protective equipment to Sainsbury’s
Remember the days when the most you needed to pop to the shops was a jacket? Now a face mask and gloves are necessities, which must also be classed as essential because popping out for a bag of crisps could cause untold deaths.
Clapping on your doorstep
In the ‘before’ time, standing on your doorstep applauding the heroism of the Morrisons delivery driver would be looked upon with either derision or concern. Now the miseries who don’t are the ones who are judged.
Worrying the police will stop you for walking
Walking along, rehearsing stories about how it’s the only time you’ve been out that day officer in case you’re stopped, paranoid about being caught by police… all a ridiculous fantasy of a fascist state mere months ago. Unless you’re an ethnic minority, in which case same old same old.
Being obsessed with flour
Two months ago, the only bag of flour in the cupboard was a year old and full of mites and nobody cared. Now you rush to the baking aisle in Tesco, ignoring the one-way rules to get a precious kilo of super fine ’00’ grade. ‘This is real pure,’ you say, as you snort a pinch from the end of your knife.
Of course.
Ever think you would END UP rubbing every item of shopping you buy with antibacterial spray? I have always had Crawford's obsessive compulsiveness and can't stand people most days, so this is a win win for me.
ReplyDeleteYou mean you washed your shopping, yet would pop any old thing in your mouth at a party..? Jx
DeleteHave you tried opening a packet of crumpets using your bare hands, nigh on impossible? I keep a bowl under the sink for washing fruit and vegetables in, it's something I've always done. Taking a slow walk down your street during clapping time really does boost your confidence, I like to imagine I'm Shirley Bassey, thanking the commoners as I go along for being so kind.
ReplyDeleteI shall clap even harder know I know you'll be trolling down the road in a sparkly gold frock and a marabou boa... Jx
DeleteI can't believe I am washing and decanting my shopping - there is now unidentifiable stuff in bags in the freezer, so dinner is pot-luck. It reminds me of the seventies.
ReplyDeleteSx
At least we haven't got power cuts and candles everywhere. I do miss Kenneth Kendall and Robert Dougall doing the news, though. As a small child, I used to find the latter's name hilarious thanks to Magic Roundabout.
DeleteUnidentified foodstuffs can be fun. As long as you don't mix them in one dish... Jx
Well I'm in a bit of a police state now so I never leave the yard. The only thing from the outside world to penetrate my bubble is the mail. Naturally I feel very anxious about dying because I picked up the mail. I wash my hands like the letters were radioactive. I'm eating all the things in my freezer that I swore I would never eat.
ReplyDeleteI never imagined Canada to be a "police state"...
DeleteWhat on earth have you stored in your freezer that you'd never eat? Chitterlings? Chicken feet?
Jx
Yes, but where is all the flour? Where is it?!? Is it sharing cupboards across the world with all that loo roll, not to be seen again until 2095 when everyone has a Big Clear Out?
ReplyDeleteEvery time I rub down the groceries with a Dettol wipe I step out of my body and see how ridiculous I look. But I don't stop doing it.
How silly do I feel when I wipe down the Dettol wipes!
DeleteSx
Having only ever used flour to make gravy or white sauce (both tasks largely replaced nowadays by stuff in tubs), I don't understand the panic.
DeleteAs for wiping down the wipes - where does one stop, before this becomes an infinity loop?
Jx
the only thing changed for me is wearing mask/gloves at the grocery store. I was there this morning. we have flour; no paper towels or toilet paper though.
ReplyDeleteand I miss using my large heavy canvas shopping bags; they make you take the horrible plastic ones. I recycle the plastic fuckers. some of my canvas bags are over 30 years old.
Now that's a weird one - over here, they're phasing out plastic carrier bags and charging people who still want to use them, so using your own bag is positively applauded! Jx
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