A Splörn

Going to IKEA? You’ll end up leaving with nothing that you came for and a heap of junk you don’t need. Here are five big offenders:

A sheepskin rug
This disaster of a rug looked so cool in the Scandinavian show-bedroom and you got carried away imagining a different life where you ski every weekend and are a natural blonde. When you get it home it just looks like you’ve carelessly thrown a dead dog on the living room floor.

A massive potted plant
The idea of having a huge, exotic plant in your living room is better than the reality, which is that you live in a tiny studio flat and won’t be able to see past it to the television. Luckily, because you got it from IKEA, it will die within three weeks, allowing you to repeat the process next time you shop there.

Twenty different sizes of Tupperware
For a moment there you briefly imagined yourself as the kind of person who brings lunch to work in tiny, reusable Tupperware boxes, and not someone who eats a Pret sandwich at 11am and another at 2pm. These boxes will serve no purpose other than annoyingly falling out of the kitchen cupboard every time you open it.

Nine bags of miniature Daim bars
You wouldn’t in a million years consider buying a Daim bar from any other shop, because they’re both sickly sweet and hard enough to snap your teeth on. However, you pick up several bags near the checkout every time you go to IKEA, for no reason that you could ever explain.

A Splörn
You saw this on offer in the kitchen section and just had to buy it. But when you get home the panic hits. What even is it? You can’t remember, and the instructions only say that it needs AA batteries and not to put it in direct sunlight. Good luck.

The Daily Mash

Of course.