What it takes

A moron who was uninterested in getting the Covid vaccine to protect himself and others has had a change of heart after being offered a free double cheeseburger.

Dimwit Joe Turner, 26, said the lifesaving properties of the vaccine had failed to incentivise him into not being hospitalised or dying.

However, a new government scheme offering free takeaways and Uber rides to vaccine recipients prompted a radical change of his position.

Turner said: “When I was first offered the vaccine I didn’t really see the point in it. I’m young and reasonably healthy, so I didn’t understand what was in it for me.

“But then a mate told me the government would give me a free McDonald’s if I got it – so I’m starting to come round to the idea.”

Fellow idiot Roy Hobbs was also previously unenthused by the idea of vaccination.

He said: “I’d seen a bunch of scary stuff on Facebook about it having a microchip or messing about with your DNA – so I was pretty worried about putting that stuff in my body, to be honest.

“But then I saw I could get a free kebab so I booked my first jab for later this week.”

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