Tuesday 18 April 2023

In the shops, on the telly, on our very crisps

The UK is standing petrified, transfixed by an onrushing tidal wave of Coronation bullshit which will soon drown us all.

The entire country is staring aghast at a mounting influx of bollocks about an event which will affect none of our lives in any material way but will be all any of us are allowed to discuss or think about for weeks to come.

Donna Sheridan of Lancaster said: “It’s already begun. In the shops, on the telly, on our very crisps. So far it’s only ankle-deep. But the deluge is coming.

“Soon our homes will be awash with Coronation shite. EastEnders will have a special episode. This Morning will discuss little else. You’ll be sipping Coronation tea out of a Coronation mug with Coronation biscuits on the side.

“Your workplace will be alive with it. Schools will be obsessed. Bunting will appear. The street party, or the failure to organise a street party, will be the subject of outraged battles on every neighbourhood Facebook group.

“We will be castigated for not exactly replicating the joy and excitement of a 1953 event which septuagenarians dimly remember from when they were children. We will be compelled to feign joy at a man who is already King being named King.

“Each and every one of us will soon be submerged in forced patriotism. It’s coming. It is too late to hide.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

12 comments:

  1. Yes, I do believe being inundated with all the Coronation bullshit would get on your nerves. Much like the holidays here... like cards, flowers and decorations...the real purpose of it is for companies to capitalize on it.

    On a side note I do own a stuffed Paddington my late grandmother gave me as a wee one.

    Now, lets stop clucking and go get your damned flags out and put the cocktails down!!!!!

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    1. I am patriotic, and love all the pomp and pageantry, but for every tasteful commemorative mug or medallion out there, there will be a vast array of utter tat. Most of it not made in the UK. Just cashing in.

      I'm with you on all the hypocritical crap that goes with Xmas, and Easter, and in particular Valentine's Day. It's commercial greed, pure and simple. Jx

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  2. Nobody does bunting like the Brits.

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    1. I do love a good bunting - haven't bunted in years! Jx

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  3. That's going to filter down my way too. Just across the border is British Columbia, and a more devout (older) Saxe-Coburg fandom you will not find. I've already seen Chuck-stuff in the local resale shops ffs.

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    1. Yay!

      Blame Canada
      Blame Canada

      With all their hockey hullabaloo
      And that bitch Anne Murray, too

      Blame Canada!
      Shame on Canada

      For... the smut we must stop
      The trash we must smash
      The laughter and fun
      Must all be undone
      We must blame them and cause a fuss
      Before someone thinks of blaming us!


      Jx

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  4. At least we get a day off :-)
    I am doing my best to ignore it all. I don't think they're wheeling Cliff Richard out again, which is a blessing.
    Sx

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    1. For some odd reason they've got that well-known British patriot Katy Perry, though... Jx

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  5. Even the sound of the word Bunting is fab. Gawd save the King (who is already the king anyway).

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    1. I bunt, you bunt, everybody bunts! Jx

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  6. Among my blog buddies, I think I may be the only one who remembers his Mum's trip down the aisle at Westminster. We in NZ didn't have TV in those days, and magazines and newspapers were strictly black-and-white, but The Coronation!Bloody hell! newstands were practically stopping traffic with the glaring colour! And not very long after the Westminster shin-dig...she toured the Commonwealth and little me was crammed onto a bus with the rest of my little school and went to see Her being driven in an open jeep (s'pose it was really a British land rover!) And this morning The Man called me to see something on a Farcebook feed...Coronation Quiche . "Your signature dish!" said The Man

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    1. How thrilling! The one and only time I "saw" Her Maj was after she died. Sort-of-saw Charles whizz past off the M4 at Newport when I was little (his cavalcade took a diversion off the slip-road and back on at the next so he could wave to onlookers, but it was going too fast to see anything much). By contrast, Diana waved enthusiastically at everyone when her car drew up in Cardiff where she was officially opening the original headquarters of the Welsh fourth TV channel S4C back in the 80s. Jx

      PS As for the official Coronation Quiche, I imagine it to be a bit bland, but obviously you beg to differ...

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