Stick your avocados and Bulgar wheat where the sun doesn’t shine

There's a lot of concern over processed food nowadays but you grew up eating Angel Delight and you’re fine. So far. Here are some other old favourites to worry about:

Crispy Pancakes
A pancake full of minced beef or cheese and ham, covered in breadcrumbs and frozen? What lunatic invented this? It didn’t matter back in the 80s, as they were delicious, convenient and no one gave a shit that they were chock full of chemical colourings and stabilisers. They’d have told you to stick your avocados and Bulgar wheat where the sun doesn’t shine.

Pop-Tarts
A Pop-Tart has been through so many processes that it probably shouldn’t be legally classified as food anymore, and they contain an absolute fuck-load of sugar, corn syrup, palm oil and other worrying substances. However, the part of your brain that will forever remain an 80s kid still cannot resist that sweet, moreish smell wafting out of the toaster.

Angel Delight
What even is this? Add milk to coloured powder and it creates a claggy, oddly textured dessert in seconds. Every single flavour tasted vile, and yet that didn’t stop it being viewed as a sophisticated pudding that the whole family welcomed to the tea table with the same appreciation people today reserve for matcha and pomegranate panna cotta.

Billy Bear ham
Pork is pretty natural, right? Well, yes, but not after it has been mechanically reclaimed, mixed with pea protein, ascorbic acid and diphosphates – whatever they are – and reconstituted to look like a bear. A mental idea, when you think about it, but you were the envy of the playground when you had it in your sandwiches at school.

Turkey Twizzlers
Everyone loved a Turkey Twizzler, brimming with saturated fat, salt and sugar, and covered in a chemically enhanced coating. Then Jamie Oliver turned up and ruined them for everyone, ushering in the age of actually thinking about what we put in our bodies. Healthy perhaps, but after a childhood spent mainlining e-numbers, it feels a bit dull.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Being a child of the '70s, I could cheerfully add to this list Bird's Luxury Trifle, Goblin Tinned Hamburgers, Vesta packet meals like Paella and Chow Mein, Birds Eye Arctic Roll, Yeoman powdered mash, Quosh, and so much, much more...