Tuesday 27 June 2023

Fit for eating?


[click to embiggen]

Have you purchased an avocado you thought would be perfect but is hard as a diamond when you open the packet? You’ve probably fallen for these other supermarket lies too.

Fresh living basil pot
Ooh, lovely, you think, a nice pot of basil that you can pop on the windowsill and water, plucking fresh green leaves off to add to dishes throughout the coming weeks. Sadly the reality is that it turns black and shrivelled within seven hours of arriving at your home, so you bin it, along with your dreams of freshly made pesto.

Ripen at home plums
Allowing these to ripen at home seems like an excellent idea. You’ll enjoy eating them at the weekend. However, the weekend comes and goes without these tough little bastards softening even slightly. Then you come home from work one day and they’re mush. What the fuck happened during the eight hours you were out? A total mystery.

Soft French baguette
As you take it from the shelf, you can imagine yourself at breakfast tomorrow, slathering butter on this pillowy soft bread. However, by the time you get to it the following morning it’s become so hard that you could use it to knock out an assailant if necessary. You put it back in the bread bin only to find it’s gone mouldy three hours later. They’d be rioting about this nonsense in Paris.

‘Fully loaded’ pizza
Looking through the cellophane window on the box, this pizza certainly looks like it has been abundantly topped with mozzarella slices, peppers, ham and mushrooms. But when you open it ready for cooking you discover that this is the only fully loaded part and the rest of it has a smear of tomato sauce and thin scattering of cheddar. You spread out the toppings, and it still looks sad.

‘Ripe and ready’ avocados
The biggest supermarket con of all. You don’t bother squeezing them to check their ripeness, as it is very clearly stated on the packaging that they are fit for eating immediately. However, when you attempt to cut one open at home, it’s harder than titanium and unlikely to be anywhere near ready this side of Christmas. It won’t stop you buying them again though. Idiot.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

15 comments:

  1. And some of these is sadly, not untrue. It's why I just stick with my gin.

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    1. I was going to say "you can't go wrong with that", then I remembered the taste of Opihr, which tastes a bit like if you accidentally dropped a gin into a pot of garam masala, only more overpowering. Give me Tanqueray any day... Jx

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    2. I once tasted the dregs of my mother's G&T when I was about 12 and it made me gag and I've always avoided it, In my 30s I made a discovery, it wasn't the gin I disliked but the tonic water. Another thing that made me gag was the chocolate avocado mousse I made the other week, it was vile. Morrisons do nice pizzas.

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    3. So what do you drink the gin with now, Mitzi? Fresh orange juice works, but lemonade, Coke, soda or most other mixers don't, I find. I used to like gin with grapefruit, but I can't have that any more thanks to blood pressure tablets. Gin works nicely with Midori as well, I recall.

      The mousse sounds dreadful, but I am with you on Morrisons pizzas. They make them fresh every day! And I like their pies and pasties, too, while we're at it. Jx

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    4. Gin! Must be 60 years since I drank gin. I think it was helped along by fresh lime and soda water.

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    5. With lots of crushed ice, that sounds like a refreshing combo, Dinah! Jx

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    6. I think it must have been...I seem to recall sinking a few!

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    7. I used to drink grapefruit juice to help make me "go" is there a shortage of grapefruits you rarely see it in the supermarkets and prune juice is just nasty. I prefer pineapple juice with gin or alternatively orange, fresh or dilute I'm not fussy. Rose's lime with vodka.

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    8. I've seen grapefruit in Morrisons, but perhaps it's gone out of fashion a bit? Jx

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  2. I had a bottle of Opihr once...not bad, but not my favorite. It didn't last long on the shelves here. My go to's are usually Hendricks, Tanqueray, and Blue Coat. And in multiples. Cheers!

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  3. I had half an avocado last night for dinner, I don't want to brag, but it was perfect. Maybe that makes us even for the US not getting Eurovision.

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  4. So much truth to this... still, I try. It feels a bit like setting oneself up for failure. But... when it works... it is heaven.

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    1. When one gets something that actually "does what it says on the tin", I agree, it's the best feeling... Jx

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