Preposterous, vainglorious idiots

France has announced it has failed as a democratic republic and is to return to good old-fashioned monarchical rule.

Following the deposing of prime minister Michel Barnier after just three months, the country has decided to face facts, cut its losses and go back to the golden years of divine sun kings.

Jacques Brun of Brive-la-Gaillarde, washing down a handful of snails with a glass of Beaujolais, said: “Eh, why not? Trump is in, we can see which way le vent souffler.

“It would seem the world returns to preposterous, vainglorious idiots seated upon thrones of gold and attended to by giggling sycophants in wigs, and we did it first and did it best. Time to get a Louis in.

“Unfortunately we rather extinguished the royal line with our typical zeal a couple of hundred years ago, but we’re French, we’ll pick somebody who looks sexy in a crown. I rather fancy Léa Seydoux myself.

“Then we’ll plunge ourselves back into full decadence whether sexual, artistic and gastronomic. It will be a century of rococo excess and powdered, aristocratic deviancy. The whole of Disneyland Paris will not be enough to contain their orgies.

“The rest of the country? We can get fucked, we had our chance. It’s back to peasantry, cholera and an average life expectancy of 35.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

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