Butterflies, Whitney vs Allah, fisting gloves and bus stop sanitiser

It was a long time coming. Our last outing - and in fact the very last time it was able to be held - was February's "Polari in Heaven". So it was indeed a joy for all concerned that John-John and I were able to attend the re-emergence of Polari at the venerable Royal Vauxhall Tavern last night!

Our hostess-with the mostest Mr Paul Burston was thrilled, too, resplendent in his Bowie facemask and a butterfly-patterned shirt ["like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon", he observed], as he opened proceedings in the socially-distanced, table-service-only venue...

...and he should well have been proud, as we were treated to a fantabulosa evening's entertainment!

Opening proceedings in a fittingly OTT fashion was the whirlwind of energy that is Amrou Al-Kadhi, aka Glamrou.

Not only is this glamorous creature nominated for the Polari First Book Prize this year for their autobiography Unicorn: The Memoir of a Muslim Drag Queen, but also a brilliant and funny performer - as their "love song to Allah" So Emotional [yes, it is based on Miss Houston's 80s wibbler], complete with genuflection and an attempted pole-dance more than proved. Mind-blowing - we loved it!

With the applause ringing in our ears, with what could anyone follow that?

 

How about a paean to lesbian sex, and the (ahem) ins-and-outs of fisting?

And that is exactly what our next reader the lovely Kate Davies provided, in an uproarious and xxx-rated extract from her new book In At The Deep End (shortlisted for the "other" award, for established writers, The Polari Prize 2020). The book's blurb alone is hilarious:

Until recently, Julia hadn’t had sex in three years.

But now:

• a one-night stand is accusing her of breaking his penis;
• a sexually confident lesbian is making eyes at her over confrontational modern art;
• and she’s wondering whether trimming her pubes makes her a bad feminist.

Julia’s about to learn that she’s been looking for love – and satisfaction – in all the wrong places…

Quite an eye-opener, indeed. And utterly brilliant.

After a short break for a pee and a fag, it was time for a little "round-table discussion", with Paul exploring a bit more of the lives of  Glamrou and Kate, and the inspirations behind their writing. 

Both were illuminating. Obviously the harrowing childhood of a closet gayer being brought up in a strict Islamic Iraqi household makes the bravery of Glamrou's chosen career as an outrageous drag performer all the more admirable. However Kate's complex and varied history, including "a short-lived career as a burlesque dancer that ended when she was booed off stage at a Conservative club, dressed as a bingo ball", and culminating in her memorable coming-out as a lesbian when she met her first lover after one such performance in the RVT itself, was equally fascinating.

But, just as we thought it was safe...

...Ms Barbara Brownskirt arrived to take over the stage!

One of our favourites - and longtime regular "antagonist" at Polari - the "Brownskirt woman" (the creation of the adorable Karen McLeod), the "Writer-in-Residence at the 197 bus stop on Croydon Road in Penge" continues to be overlooked by all the book prizes yet keeps up the pressure by reading them to the audience, like it or not! Last night included some dearly loved favourites, including Judi (Judi, Judi) (her love-song for Britain's favourite theatrical Dame) and Cruelty-Free Shoes, but we were also treated to some new ones, including The Blackberries Are Worrying Me and a new lockdown poem The Bus Stop Will Not Be Sanitised!

Here she is, in fine form, at a previous RVT evening:

Barbara Brownskirt - Same Sex Marriage

We love her!

And, after the customary "curtain call", we made the most of the very short time remaining till the current "curfew closing time" of 10pm to mingle with some of the few regulars in attendance among the throng (Sexy Lexi and the lovely Uli from Gay's The Word bookshop among them), before wending our way back home again. I was home by 10.45pm - unheard of for a Friday night in the old days!

I have booked now (thanks, Paul!) for the next outing on 23rd October, featuring readings from Booker Prize-nominated novelist Philip Hensher, and the magnificent Diana Souhami, esteemed biographer of society lesbians such as Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas, Gluck, Violet Trefusis, Radcliffe Hall, Romaine Brooks and Natalie Barney.

Can't wait!

We love Polari.