A funny thing happened on the way to the theatre...

For your delectation, a selection of ridiculous things members of the audience have said, courtesy of the venerable WhatsOnStage site:

• [At The Lion King] "When does Elton John come out?"
• "How much is a complimentary ticket?"
• "I wanna see that Henry Vee"
  "No honey, that's a Roman numeral. It's pronounced 'Henry Five'"
• [At Blood Brothers interval] "Something tells me that this isn't going to have a happy ending"
• [At Chicago] "What's it about?"
  "I don't know but I think it's set in New York"
• "Can I buy two tickets for Fanny of the Opera please?"
• "Would I be allowed to bring a spare pair of shoes as the ones I'll be wearing will be painful by the end of the night."
• [At Jesus Christ Superstar] "Well, I didn't expect it to end like that."
• [At Waiting for Godot] "He won't come, you know - his name's not in the programme."
• "Our pet parrot just loves musicals so can we bring her along to Les Misérables? She is house-trained and knows all the words! We're happy to buy a ticket for her."
• "This is ludicrous! The whole point of me printing my ticket at home was to get me in quicker via scanning but they've sent me back to you!"
  "Madam, you seem to have cut your ticket in half, through the barcode"
  "Well it wouldn't fit in my handbag!"
• [At The Railway Children] "We've just bought this kitten from Harrods, we're fine to just take him in in his box, yes?"
• “What time does the 8 o'clock show start?”
• “Can I have seats facing the stage please?”
• “Sorry we only have singles left, Madam.”
  “OK – do you have two of them together?”
• “What time is the matinee?”
  “2.30.”
  “Is that 2.30pm?”
• “I'm sorry but we only have restricted view tickets left.”
  “What does that mean?”
  “It means that you won't be able to see everything.”
  “Oh, at what point will we have to leave?”
• “I had a tall person in front of me – I couldn't see a thing. You should arrange your audience in height order.”
• [At Miss Saigon] “What time roughly does the roof open to allow the helicopter to fly in? I'd like to stand outside and watch.”
• [At Mamma Mia!] “Is Meryl Streep on tonight?”
• [At the Open Air Theatre in Regent's Park] “Is the theatre air-conditioned?”
• [Box office staff:] “Hi sir – did you buy your ticket from an agent?”
  [Customer:] “No, he was definitely white.”
• A lady walked out half way through the first act of Madame de Sade (with Judi Dench) demanding a refund. She thought she'd bought tickets for Madame Tussauds.

Priceless.