Wednesday 4 August 2021

What it takes

A moron who was uninterested in getting the Covid vaccine to protect himself and others has had a change of heart after being offered a free double cheeseburger.

Dimwit Joe Turner, 26, said the lifesaving properties of the vaccine had failed to incentivise him into not being hospitalised or dying.

However, a new government scheme offering free takeaways and Uber rides to vaccine recipients prompted a radical change of his position.

Turner said: “When I was first offered the vaccine I didn’t really see the point in it. I’m young and reasonably healthy, so I didn’t understand what was in it for me.

“But then a mate told me the government would give me a free McDonald’s if I got it – so I’m starting to come round to the idea.”

Fellow idiot Roy Hobbs was also previously unenthused by the idea of vaccination.

He said: “I’d seen a bunch of scary stuff on Facebook about it having a microchip or messing about with your DNA – so I was pretty worried about putting that stuff in my body, to be honest.

“But then I saw I could get a free kebab so I booked my first jab for later this week.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

The "real" story.

10 comments:

  1. Quite frankly, I think putting the McDonald's in one's body will do more harm than the vaccine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The vaccine is not harmful. Junk food is bad for you. COVID-19 kills.

      Seems simple, really. Jx

      Delete
  2. 'The Daily Mash' is spot on as usual.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It has its finger firmly on the pulse... Jx

      Delete
  3. I am so annoyed that I have to go back to wearing masks because these fat heads are worried that The vaccine hasn't been tested. Apparently the millions of people who have successfully taken it are not enough confirmation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't see the problem with wearing a mask indoors, myself. People are vile germ-carriers, regardless of coronavirus... Jx

      Delete
  4. May the gods of Whatever bless The Daily Mash.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm grateful for being fully jabbed - no dodgy food needed to get me to the clinic - not even cake.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would prefer a shot or two of AstraZenica to a McDonalds, myself. Jx

      Delete

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