Bizarre reality

It can be disorientating trying to recall a dream, but it’s worse when you realise that the dream was actually a real TV show. Here are the oddest:

Stars In Their Eyes
Witnessing a meek accountant from Swansea walk through a smoky doorway and magically become a shop-soiled Robbie Williams is definitely the sort of thing that only happens in a dream, right? Not if you were watching ITV in the 90s. That was our bizarre reality.

Dick & Dom in da Bungalow
You must have been asleep on the sofa. There’s no way you could have watched a programme where children are screamed at and covered in gunk by two grown men, and sometimes Ian Beale from Eastenders, broadcast live at 9am on a Saturday morning. It’s too weird to have been real.

Big Break
The horrible combination of snooker and Jim Davidson is something only your subconscious could throw up. Factor in the nonsensical but sinister phrase ‘I’m going to be snookering you tonight’ and you’ve got the makings of a very creepy dream. Except you were awake and it was on every Saturday night for a decade.

Naked Attraction
Clearly an anxiety dream and not a real show. Who in their right mind would go on TV, reveal their entire naked body apart from their head, and have their genitals forensically examined by a stranger, an overexcited host and a viewing audience of millions? Only a particularly deep REM cycle could create that freakish situation, surely?

You Are What You Eat
So there’s this woman who pretends to be a doctor, right, who makes people put every single item of food they eat during a week on a massive table while she shames them for it. And then she makes them poo in a Tupperware box and give it to her so she can sniff it. No one would put something that mental on TV, so it must have been a particularly fucked up nightmare.

The Daily Mash

Of course.