The nation’s advertisers have performed their customary about-turn from encouraging over-consumption of all kinds to calling you a fat twat.The Daily Mash
As the year changed from 2023 to 2024, advertisers ceased proffering trays of chocolates or party nibbles to instead chastise you for not subscribing to a health programme or joining a gym.
Nathan Muir of Skipton said: “Why have you taken the Tia Maria away? Just two days ago, you were telling me I deserved it and I gratefully concurred.
“Now you’re saying I need a weight loss journey app where I get regular voicemails from doctors, a solid time in a 10k and a Peleton to be happy and fulfilled? When last month it was a tin of Celebrations and a selection of luxury crisps?
“Also it seems to be imperative I book my holiday now. I’m not booking my holiday now. It’s January.”
Media buyer Carolyn Ryan said: “Fat is out, thin is in, throw away everything you bought last month and buy entirely new things for a new life of extreme self-denial.
“I’ve taken up the Big Narstie Slimfast diet. The shakes are alright but I’m struggling to smoke the necessary weed.”
Of course.
Just in time for those Resolutions that started Monday and will end by Friday!
ReplyDeleteMy resolution is never to make any resolutions. Jx
DeleteWith you on this, Jon. And Mash deserves a jolly good slurp of gravy!
DeleteI spotted on their Xmas clearance shelves today that M&S do a "Turkey Gravy-flavour Mayonnaise"..! I'm tempted to try it. Jx
DeleteDear gods! NO!
DeleteI know! It sounds more Lidl than Marks & Spencer... Jx
DeleteFortunately, I don't care what advertisers and marketers think I should do or buy! I qualify for all the proper ship metaphors about keeping an even keel and a steady anchor. Most people like the cut of my jib too!
ReplyDeleteMy New Year's resolution is to "Not die." It seemed to work out for me last year. ;)
Shame it didn't work for them. Jx
DeletePS We never ever watch adverts anyway - most of our viewing is from ad-free Auntie Beeb, and anything that's not we either fast-forward or (if on replay) mute the ad breaks.