A stoical man gazing at the clouds has grimly warned that a hen party is approaching.
Sitting in his rocking chair, old timer Norman Steele has predicted that dozens of drunken women will soon be heading in his direction so everyone should hunker down before it strikes.
Steele, who has not been the same since the hen do of 2012, said: “They’re doing pre-drinks in an Airbnb right now, but they’re a-comin’. They’re a-comin’.
“If you listen closely, you can hear their maniacal cackling on the wind. Within the hour they’ll start blaring "Single Ladies" and "Wannabe", and that’s when the nightmare truly begins.
“First you’ll see their penis-shaped deely-boppers on the horizon as they stagger from one cocktail bar to the other. Then they’ll rip through the streets in a flurry of personalised sashes, wreaking havoc on traffic and pedestrians alike. Nobody will be safe.
“You can only tell the strength of a hen party by the damage it leaves in its wake, but this one feels like a biggie. Come the morning, expect to see hundreds of shattered pitchers and the bodies of broken waiting staff littering the pavement.
“I’m off to hide in my hen party cellar, and I suggest you do the same. May God have mercy on us all.”
Of course.
On a possibly similar note, another of the "blasts from the past" that we sang along to as the Gay Pride parade passed by on Saturday was this one [which could quite easily also be mistaken for a "hen party classic"]:
I love it! Indeed.
I love the Mash! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThe best news source out there! Jx
DeleteOne of the worst things about living in a gay neighborhood are all the bachelorette parties here. Shrill harridans. Go back to your own brunches.
ReplyDeleteI agree totally! Manchester's Gay Village and London's Soho have suffered from this blight for years... Jx
Delete*Manically cackles on the wind*
ReplyDeleteSx
You do it so well, dear. Jx
DeleteSame in Ptown and Rehoboth. Hen parties were getting bad...till the LGBTQ had enough and started giving them attitude. We after all are not a freak to come see. Now the hens have for the most part gone off in search of other parts. I hear the Jerey Shore is a good place for the hen parties.
ReplyDeleteOne very good reason to have a "men only" policy on the door of some venues. Unfortunately, the owners of a lot of bars couldn't give a shit as long as the money keeps rolling in. Jx
DeleteWhen we lived in the Historic District of Savannah, hen parties (which used to be called Bachelorette Parties) were incredibly popular! Because Savannah allows Go Cups (open alcohol beverage carry) and far too many air bnb's whole blocks came close to being nothing by drunk bitches in the streets! Locals had their parties at home and not in the streets. Perfect musical choice, sweetpea! xoxo
ReplyDeleteWe stay in the Red Light District of Old Amsterdam on our annual trip in August, and some evenings it's a sea of "L-plates" and blow-up penises! Then, there's the stags - all stoned to fuck and pissing in the canals. Charm personified. Jx
DeleteI recognise those black sand dunes sculptures that sway in the wind, it's Blackpool home of the hen do. They're rife there! I think I have mentioned this before, I once saw a lucky bride to be wearing a veil and L-plates bob down and piss in the street and another holding a woman's hair back as she chucks up. Infra dig indeed.
ReplyDeleteMakes you feel sorry for the groom, to be honest. Jx
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