A price worth paying

Experts have insisted the current lockdown on the UK music scene must continue to prevent a resurgence of awful rubbish which could spread globally.

Despite anxiety about the economic damage caused by the closure of music venues, analysts say it is a price worth paying until a vaccine is developed to prevent upcoming musicians playing total shite.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We have to recognise the danger that some unlikely, lowest common denominator mediocrity could go viral thanks to the irresponsible attitudes of some music fans.

“Ed Sheeran started playing gigs in Norwich in 2008. With an effective system of local lockdown he could have been stopped from reaching London and the devastating effects of ‘Galway Girl’ would have been prevented altogether.

“Similarly, if suppressed at an early stage we could have avoided Coldplay. Unfortunately it was allowed to flourish unchecked, reaching America and mutating via Gwyneth Paltrow, before going on to spread throughout the world.

“We must be certain that such devastation can never happen again before the British music scene is allowed to resume.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.