Like a moth to a fly zapper

Due to a quirk in the laws of physics and alcohol, some very stupid ideas make a lot of sense on a Sunday at 1am. Including these:

Buying and eating a kebab
In the cold light of day you can see kebabs for what they really are: fucking disgusting. But at the magical hour of 1am on a Sunday, the warming red glow of the meat grill draws you in like a moth to a fly zapper. No wonder they’re always open so late. It’s the only time people are in enough of an altered state of mind to eat them.

Pissing in a back alley
Traditionally, people relieve themselves in toilets, but that’s not the case first thing on a Sunday. During that time every surface and corner is a loo waiting to happen, with back alleys becoming the most viable option. They’re free and convenient, but do carry the risk of arrest if someone sees you. Which they inevitably will, because you’re so drunk you’re bellowing Sweet Caroline while you wee.

Starting a fight
At any other time, your brain wisely holds you back from saying ‘The fuck you looking at?’ to someone you think you can take. It rationally concludes that would be a dumb thing to do and you would likely lose anyway because look at you. You should listen to your brain. On this rare occasion, it knows what it’s talking about.

Going home with someone you’ve just met
Being led back to the house of an intoxicated person you don’t know the name of is an absurd idea, and for good reason. Even if you’re lucky and there’s the possibility of sex, it’ll be crappy, early morning drunken sex. You’d be better off going home and getting a good night’s sleep in your own bed instead of clumsily rutting for seven minutes and falling asleep with the nagging feeling that you’re going to regret this.

Texting your ex
Sending a quick ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ to your ex is a bad move 24/7. They’ll either ignore you, which is a slow poison in itself, or they’ll reply with the honest truth which is even worse. Do you really want to know how much happier they are now, or hear about the vast amount of mind-blowing sex they’re having? No. You do not.

The Daily Mash

Of course.