A man is unable to make a sandwich after discovering that the handcrafted sourdough loaf he bought is too weird a shape to cut into decent slices.
Julian Cook purchased the bread from an artisan micro-bakery, feeling obliged to go through with the purchase even when he was informed it cost £5.50.
Cook said: “It was horrifically expensive. But they’re an independent local business and I’m full of middle-class guilt, so I sucked it up, thinking I could make a nice sandwich with the rare cheese and amusingly named pickle I’d got from the farmers’ market.
“However, when I cut the end off I realised that part was only quarter of the size of a proper slice. I tried cutting a couple of decent slices from the middle of the loaf, but the only section that was a normal size turned out to be hiding a huge air bubble so there was no actual bread for me to put my filling on.
“I couldn’t even put bits from separate parts of the loaf together because its rough-hewn shape meant there weren’t two slices that would match up to make anything resembling a sensible sandwich.
“So I gave it to the birds and went out for a loaf of Warburtons. That’s real bread, whatever the Guardian food magazine tells you.”
The Daily Mash
Of course.
Handcrafted artisan bread is only useful as a means to shovel butter into one's mouth. Or as a doorstop.
ReplyDeleteI do love fresh crusty bread, but it's a bit of a faff. That's why Hovis and Mother's Pride were invented. Jx
DeleteI hate running into one of those enormous air bubbles. Theft by baking.
ReplyDeletePaying over-the-odds for air? No ta. Jx
DeleteOh god yes, those fancy artisan loaves are often filled with hot air. I tend to stick to my Hovis.
ReplyDeleteSx
Nowt wrong with Hovis! "It's as good for you now as it's always been." Jx
DeleteThe Daily Mash always hits the nail on the head and never more so than with this one.
ReplyDeleteArtisan, micro-bakery, handcrafted, sourdough loaf is an Evil.
An invention of the Devil to plague the gullible.
However, retreating to Warburtons might be going a bit to far!
Warburtons has the texture of wadding. Jx
DeleteHmm...seems this is not the place to tell you that I rather like baking my own bread. Not sourdough at present as I ditched mine when we were faffing about with house moves. And The Man does not really want the responsibility of looking after the cat AND a jarful of wild yeasts doing what looks like third form chemistry going wrong when I head over The Ditch...
ReplyDeleteProper Little House on the Prairie stuff over at yours, isn't it, Dinah? Jx
Delete