Ahoy, Ye Landlubbers!
It might well be Jarvis Cocker's (gulp!) 60th birthday, Jeremy Irons' (gulp) 75th, and David McCallum's (bigger gulp) 90th, as well as the birthdays of Kate Adie, Nile Rodgers, Twiggy, Freda Payne, Lol Creme of 10CC, Zandra Rhodes, Rosemary Harris and the late, great Mama Cass. It may be Independence Day in St Kitts and Nevis, World Reflexology Week and indeed Organic September...
However, there really is only one reason [as Mr Peenee recently reminded us] to celebrate today - it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day!!
Arrrr!
Without further ado, here's a jolly little sing-a-long that I deem to be most appropriate for this - ahem!! - serene and respectful day.
All together, now!
'Twas on the good ship Venus
By Christ, you should've seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast was a mammoth penis
The captain of this lugger
He was a dirty bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel shit
From one place to another
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck all else to do!
The captain's name was Morgan
By Christ, he was a gorgon
Ten times a day sweet tunes he'd play
On his fucking organ
The first mate's name was Cooper
By Christ he was a trooper.
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck all else to do!
The second mate was Andy
By Christ, he had a dandy
Till they crushed his cock with a jagged rock
For cumming in the brandy
The cabin boy was Flipper
He was a fucking nipper
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck all else to do!
The Captain's wife was Mabel
To fuck she was not able
So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
Across the bar-room table
The Captain had a daughter
Who fell in deep sea water
Delighted squeals revealed that eels
Had found 'er sexual quarters
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck all else to do!
Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum.
Indeed.
That is the most delightful pirate ditty I've ever heard. English people just have a genius for being lewd and witty at the same time.
ReplyDeleteBawdy songs are a mainstay of our culture! Some of our favourites were sung by none other than Elsa Lanchester - see here. Jx
DeleteI would typically be completely on board with something like ITLAP Day, but I can't decide which accent is apposite: Mr Krabs, Jack Sparrow or 90s Russian MP3 site owner.
ReplyDeleteI had to look up "Mr Krabs", but tbh, of the three I'd say none of them.
DeleteIf in doubt, stick to Robert Newton... Jx
As sung by the nuns of St. Taints? What a frolicsome ditty!
ReplyDeleteSister Rotten and Sister Vicious, indeed. Jx
DeleteIt's the only Pirate song I know!
ReplyDeleteSx
It was certainly the only one we sang when I was in school! [Not with the approval of the teachers, of course, which made it all the better.] Jx
DeleteI know it as a rugby song (All Blacks girl y'see) "15 randy Rugby men and just one whore between us"
ReplyDeleteWe had at least one, if not two, LPs of filthy rugby songs in the house when I was growing up! [Welsh boy, y'see]. My fave was "The hairs on her dickie-di-do hung down to her knees". Jx
DeleteA Vast Behind
ReplyDeleteSpeak for yourself! Mine's still pert. Jx
DeleteFootnote: RIP, David McCallum. Jx
ReplyDelete