A family plans to violate all natural law by holding a barbecue this weekend even though it is September.
The Logan family have purchased sausages, burgers, charcoal and hickory wood for a barbecue neighbours have described as ‘spitting in the face of God’.
Friend Helen Archer said: “They think that just because it’s sunny, they can have a barbecue? Running contrary to all natural law? Upsetting a balance that may never be righted?
“Why don’t they go ahead and break out the Prosecco and deckchairs and ‘Tom’s Summer Playlist 23!’ to really incur the wrath of our Druidic forebears who will surely smite them with lightning? Oh, apparently they are.
“Barbecues are for summer. End of. They’re not weather-related, otherwise why would we have them in the pissing rain? They’re bringing down a curse upon us. If our house prices fall, it’s their fault.”
Tom Logan said: “What’s the problem? It’s a lovely day, not a cloud in the sky, and this is our way of saying ‘Hail Satan. Let these sausages burn like our flesh in your fires eternal.’”
Of course.
Satanists always have the most fun, but Druids have the best robes.
ReplyDeleteDruids also have the best drugs. They need them to listen to all that fucking harp music! Jx
DeleteA bloody barbecue?!? It's far too hot to be fannying around over open flames and hot coals, Satan be damned!
ReplyDeleteChrist, I'm hot. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow...
It is bloody hot here, too - feels like the hottest day so far (and it hit 32C/89.6F yesterday!). There was a bit of a breeze earlier while I was out and about, but now the air is still and muggy. I'm waiting till later to get out and do some pottering in the garden, as it's a bit cooler indoors.
DeleteDefinitely no barbecuing! Jx
I do love me some Mash. (But they forgot to mention people squirting mosquito repellant all over the place.Worst salad dressing ever!)
ReplyDeleteThe Mosquito. Now there's a creature - in a similar league to slugs and snails - that begs the question "what purpose do they serve?" Yes, I know things like spiders, birds and bats may eat them, but other than that..? Jx
DeleteYou, my friend, sent me down that rabbit hole of all knowledge...https://lighthouse.mq.edu.au/article/april-2020/please-explain-what-is-the-point-of-mosquitoes
DeleteHe makes some interesting points but there remain very few people anywhere in the world who would, in all honesty, mourn if the entire mosquito species went extinct. Jx
DeleteJust say NO !
ReplyDeleteI've never understood the fascination with barbecues in a country where "summer" is such a rare event. Jx
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