A delicious bowl of plov

Lockdown #3 is quite the wrong moment to be thinking about dieting...

The new year can be a difficult time for many, especially after 12 months of bloody 2020. Here are some sure-fire ways to shake off the January blues:

E-resign
Let’s face it, it’s probably your job that’s making you unhappy. So take advantage of being able to resign via Zoom. Nothing will perk you up more than calling your boss a twat, giving them the double Vs then closing your laptop like a coward before they bollock you.

Do ‘Wet January’
Sure, Dry January is healthy and for a great cause. But why pick such a depressing month not to drink? Give the opposite a try. Drink for 31 days straight. Bonus points for trying a different beverage on each day. Bonus bonus points for not ending up in rehab.

Hibernate like a bear
No one can feel bad in bed. Make yourself a tent out of a duvet and pillows and wait for this whole January thing to blow over. You can’t literally hibernate but you probably bought enough Christmas provisions to see you through another month. Admittedly, you might be approaching the lower reaches of your Netflix account, so prepare to binge six seasons of Dawson’s Creek.

Travel
You might not be able to visit the country you want to, but be creative. Apparently Turkmenistan is particularly bracing at this time of year. Hop on a flight to Ashgabat, buy yourself a delicious bowl of plov and get ready to enjoy the world’s fourth largest reserves of natural gas.

Take up a hobby
Hobbies can be a real tonic during the dark evenings and depressing weather. Perhaps use 2020 as inspiration and finally start building that panic room, become a backstreet dentist or dabble at making a mutant Covid vaccine in your bathtub.

The Daily Mash

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