We ask you: is Britain fucking trying to lose Eurovision?
After a narrow escape with Sam Ryder, is the UK choosing our Eurovision entry so we fail and dodge the expense of hosting its humiliating spectacle?
Hannah Tomlinson, entomologist: “The group we’ve chosen reached the quarter-finals of 'The Voice' in 2019. That is by definition the cream of Britain’s musical talent.”
Denys Finch Hatton, barrister: “67 years of flamboyant freaks with light-up nipples singing upside down in a flaming longship winning, and we enter a girl group. Nul points in the bag.”
Oliver O’Connor, town crier: “Remember that year we almost sent them Katie Price seven months pregnant in a pink PVC catsuit? In retrospect it was obvious we’d Brexit.”
Will McKay, theatrical dresser: “Where’s it being held? Switzerland. Neutral. So it would seem the organisers of Eurovision knew continent-wide war was coming.”
Steven Malley, roofer: “But nobody will vote for us anyway, because everyone hates us. We’re Europe’s Millwall.”
The Daily Mash
Of course.
But I think I'll let you, dear reader, be the judge...
Thoughts?
The point that there are decades of history to review and see what wins is a good one; why do the people who select the entry ignore all that data? Where are the light-up nipples?
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what goes on in the heads of the people who decide these things. In Sweden - which wins a lot - they have a massive festival with huge live audiences, all voting and engaging with the songs before they choose the winner. So that act has loads of time to hone up their performance, and has a built-in audience. Italy and many others have something similar. We in the UK get what we're given, and are expected to whoop for joy. Jx
DeletePS I really hope there's at least one act with light-up nipples this year!
DeleteThey’re cute. Their sound is pleasant. The video is good quality. They give good face. A definite No from me. I suppose they think it’s a winner because of the title.
ReplyDeleteNil points again, I would guess. Jx
Deleteso much auto-tune! will it work live? smh
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly. They probably can sing, but their voices sound really synthetic. Plus, if it needs an elaborate video to actually explain what the song's about (because, basically, those girls lack diction!), then how the hell is it going to be staged live? And finally - why send a song that doesn't actually have a chorus to a song contest?! Jx
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