Monday 7 March 2022

Deeply maladjusted, never to be trusted

Time flies when you're having fun, they say, and here we are again, weekend a faded memory, looking forward to another five days of joy dreariness, courtesy of work.

Never mind, eh? Sharing the celebrations today with a bizarre assortment of "names", including Maurice Ravel, Rik Mayall, Bret Easton Ellis, Rob Roy, Rachel Weisz, Viv Richards, Piet Mondrian, Ranulph Fiennes, Lord Snowdon, Taylor Dayne [60 today], Anna Magnani, Ivan Lendl, and - erm - Tammy Faye Bakker, it's the 55th birthday of the lovely Ruthie Henshall - the only West End/Broadway hoofer to have played all three major parts (Velma, Roxie and Mama Morton) in Chicago! We have a cherished album hers Love is Here to Stay, that I picked up in the bargain bin at HMV decades ago and we played to death; she's a house fave here at Dolores Delargo Towers.

On this Tacky Music Monday, here she is as part of an estimable ensemble with Maria Friedman, Lea Salonga and Millicent Martin, singing one of Sondheim's funniest "patter songs"...

Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!
 
You could drive a person crazy,
You could drive a person mad.
First you make a person hazy
So a person could be had,
Then you leave a person dangling sadly
Outside your door,
Which could only make a person gladly
Want you even more.
I could understand a person
If it's not a person's bag.
I could understand a person
If a person was a fag.
But worse 'n that,
A person that
Titillates a person and then leaves her flat
Is crazy,
He's a troubled person,
He's a truly crazy person himself.
 
When a person's personality is personable,
He should not sit like a lump.
It's harder than a matador coercin' a bull
To try to get you off of your rump.
So single and attentive and attractive a man
Is everything a person could wish,
But turning off a person is the act of a man
Who likes to pull the hooks out of fish.

Knock-knock! Is anybody there?
Knock-knock! It really isn't fair.
Knock-knock! I'm workin' all my charms.
Knock-knock! A zombie's in my arms.
All that sweet affection!
What is wrong?
Where's the loose connection?
How long, O Lord, how long?
Bobby-baby-Bobby-bubbi-Bobby,
 
You could drive a person buggy,
You could blow a person's cool.
Like you make a person feel all huggy
While you make her feel a fool.
When a person says that you upset her,
That's when you're good.
You impersonate a person better
Than a zombie should.
I could understand a person
If he wasn't good in bed.
I could understand a person
If he actually was dead.
Exclusive you!
Elusive you!
Will any person ever get the juice of you?
You're crazy,
You're a lovely person,
You're a moving,
Deeply maladjusted,
Never to be trusted,
Crazy person yourself.
Bobby is my hobby and I'm givin' it up!

Fab. U. Lous!

Have a good week, dear reader.

13 comments:

  1. Oh! That was worth having a quick check of the laptop before bedtime. "You could drive a person craaazeee.."
    Bon soir!

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    Replies
    1. It is rather joyful, isn't it? "Doo-doo-doo-doo!" Jx

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  2. Bret Easton Ellis is a terrible, terrible writer.

    Adore Company. And Taylor Dayne - although some in the states are mad at her for appearing at a New Year's Eve party at Mara Lago. Me? I think she's amazing. Have a happy Monday, dear.

    As for Garfield. There was a brief time when he first appeared that I found him charming... but he quickly wore out his welcome, the way that awful strip Cathy, did. Now? I rather loathe him, finding him rather banal. Kizzes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have never read anything by Bret Easton Ellis, thankfully, nor seen any screen adaptations.

      Garfield - much like Taylor Dayne in a way, was a product of its time and has long faded from relevance. Like The Simpsons. Or Tony Blair. Jx

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  3. Was Tammy Faye buried in full makeup? If so, I'm certain it hasn't yet decomposed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She would have been disposed of as toxic waste, surely? Jx

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    2. Total aside, but MJ, I can't reach your blog anymore! The consent page won't open!

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    3. Savvy - I had that problem before with Infomaniac. It's because Blogger forces sites to use "https" addresses nowadays, and the link I had for MJ was "http". In other words, add an "s", and it should work. Jx

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    4. Thanks, Jon! Worked perfectly! xoxo

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    5. Thanks for sorting that, Jon. I had no idea I was such a problem. Not only that, I wouldn't have known what to do about it!

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    6. Glad to be of service, dear! Jx

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  4. Great lyrics, Jon! Thanks for Tacky Music Monday! I think I'll be hearing that refrain all day!! xoxo

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